Monday, January 1, 2007

Resolution / Dissolution


So I'm starting a blog on the first day of the new year. New year's is an interesting time because the entire month and especially the few hours preceding it are filled with drunken food coma dissolution ... and then we are expected to make healthy personal resolutions for the following year.

This year I say to hell with new year's resolutions. Instead, I'm going to be more ambitious. I'm just going to make a lifetime commitment to my self-improvement. I don't think any of my past new year's resolutions ever lasted more than a few months. But if I make myself accountable every single day, then perhaps I'll stick with it.

One of my goals is to learn how to say "no." It may be easy for some people, but I have never been able to refuse a request from a loved one. I am the "yes" girl. I am stuck doing all the stuff no one else will do. Which is how I found myself as a "model" in a fashion show that my mother-in-law organized for her little cultural organization today. I was a good sport and donned the traditional Vietnamese ao dai. When I told my own mother I'd been suckered into doing this, she said I don't look good in ao dais - only thin women look good in them. And my father asked me how I still fit in my winter coat, as I'd gotten so fat lately. And you ask me why I never want to have children? F***ing with your children's minds and self image usually isn't intentional - it's just a side effect of being human. I don't believe it's possible for humans to refrain from damaging their offspring. You throw duty, expectation and a strong dose of guilt into any relationship and it's bound for disaster.

So my second goal is to have a healthy relationship with myself - total honesty and acceptance of all parts of me: the good, the bad, the ugly, the 15 extra pounds I put on in college, the creative, and the crazy.

And once I've achieved that last goal, I must be honest with others about who I am. No, I am NOT that demure, traditional, perfect, accommodating, thin little "yes" girl pictured above. No, I do NOT give you permission to project your expectations, fear, guilt, insecurities and myriad hang ups onto me.

1 comment:

jblogs said...

you go my good friend!

i'll be quite a regular reader of your blog!

to a great 2007!!!